Pizza – stuff yo’ face & stop missing home

I feel like a little kid away at summer camp. I’m homesick. It’s ridiculous. I keep getting these “I miss… fillintheblankwithsomethingstupidIlovefromhome…” little heartaches that I are so flipping lame and piss me off. I never get homesick when I travel. Even when I was in Costa Rica for 3 months, on my own, not able to communicate in another language, I barely thought twice about it after my first weekend there. But this is different. Now I’m in here San Diego, and apparently I’m supposed to start making MY LIFE HAPPEN and I just feel overwhelmed. I know I need to calm the eff down though, not everything is just going to fall into place without at least putting some effort into it, and I’ve only really been here barely 2 months… But I’m frustrated dammit. Why is it that the ability to make friends easily is completely lost the minute you leave the awesome world of elementary school and the “Hi, I’m Emi, you like Lisa Frank trapper keepers and have an obscene amount of Beanie Babies too?! Let’s be BFFs!” Now you basically have to get a CIA level background check on anyone you might want to hang out with on the slightlymorethanlikelychance they might be bat-sh*t CRAY CRAY. Ugh. But seriously it kinda blows not having a so-called social life happening, you know? There’s only so much satis-freakin-faction one can gain from sitting at her computer for hours on end reading excessive health articles and pinning obscene amounts of recipes to Pinterest… Pinterest is the devil.

So I was craving pizza the other night. This NEVER happens. I’ve never been this huge pizza fiend. Not even when I’m shmammered. Yes, when I got shammamered in college and DHOP one dollar slices after 11pm were thecoolkidthingtoeat, I would stuff my disgusting face with their greaseslick grossness, and then proceed to wake up the next morning feeling like I got in a fist fight with a Yeti. Boo. But yes, I was craving pizza and feeling homesick so I decided to do some good old fashioned emotional eating. And here we are. This picture sucks. My B.

Paleo CocoFlax Pizza Dough:

• 3 eggs
• 1/3 c apple sauce
• 2 Tbsp fresh chopped basil
• 1tsp salt
• 1tsp garlic powder
• 1 Tbsp EVOO
• 1/4c flax meal
• 1/2 c coconut flour
• Toppings of your choosing! I used the following items (and it was friggin’ fabulous, obviiiii):  Tomato paste (used this instead of sauce, because I felt the liquidiness of sauce would drench the crust and make a disaster. Tomato paste was NOT a disaster. So yay me), ground turkey (browned the turkey in a fry pan with 1Tbsp each of thyme/parsley), sundried tomatoes, artichoke hearts, fresh chopped basil   **side note, had there been any bacon in the house you had better friggin believe it would have been on this pie. No DOUBT homeslices. Yum. Now I want bacon

1. Preheat oven to 375*
2. In a food processor, blend the eggs, applesauce, basil, salt & garlic powder.
3. Add the EVOO and flax meal, and then sift in the coconut flour. (Sifting the coconut flour probably isn’t all that necessary with a good food processor. The one I’m using right now is kind of sad and needs a little bit of extra help in its processing abilities.)
4. Process the ingredients until you get a dough-like mixture.
5. Line a cookie sheet with parchment or wax paper and scoop the doughballishness onto the sheet. Try to get it to form a bit of a combined ball before you start rolling it out.
6. Place another piece of parchment/wax paper on top of the dough and roll it out until it’s about 1/4in thick. Remove the top sheet of paper.
7. Bake at 375* for about 12-15 minutes. I left it in closer to 15 to get a tiny bit more crispy texture on the top.

**Disclaimer – I am in no way saying this is EXACTLY like that crazy doughy, spongey, insanity that Dominos used to deliver to our drunken asses on Saturday nights in Stoke Hall of UNH. If I ate that sh*t now I would die. Literally. Ok not literally, but as stated above, it would be equivalent to attempting to throw down with an extremely hairy 8ft tall mystical creature. I would lose. THIS pizza, did not lead to yeti-induced death. And THAT is a #win in my book.**